12 am

It is currently 9:18 and I am sitting in my bed room at moms house. I have a plan to stay up till 12 am for my birthday tomorrow which will be today in 2 hours and 40 min. I have decided that I was born at exactly 12 am. Now I know that I was not born at 12 am but I decided that that will be when I was born for 2 reasons.

1.) I don't have an original birth certificate...Mom doesn't have one and neither does dad

2.) Mom and dad don't remember what time I was born. And quite honestly I wouldn't expect them to. They had 9 kids and I find it a miracle that they can even remember the years we were born (well most of the time they can. Lol.)

Since it is 9:20 right now. I am kinda sad that it took me 2 minutes to type that little. I type fast it just took me that long because I have a lack of words. I have currently been in the happiest state of my life for the last several weeks, Everything has been good despite some things, but I still have been in a generally good mood. That is until about 4 today. I got sad and just started thinking. I know my life isn't going to change much once I am 16....Wow 16.... there is only one thing that will change.

I will be able to drive alone.

Does that mean I will? No. For one I don't have a job. I can't pay for insurance. And I don't have a car. I am fine with that. I am not complaining so don't get the wrong idea. It is just nice to be able to say I can drive legally by myself. It's a nice thought to know that I am growing up to be the young woman I am today. (Whether you like that women of not.) That is your personal opinion. But tonight I am just feeling like I have missed out on a big part of my life. I got diagnosed with diabetes at 7 years old. (I do NOT feel sorry for myself. I think it has made me to be more responsible and has made me who I am today.) But still I have lived 9 years with this disease. I was forced to grow up faster than any other normal kid. I missed out on some of the things that "normal" kids got to do. (What exactly is normal?) I feel like 9 years of my life have been taken away from me. Not to mention the fact that I got diagnosed during a particularly hard time in a young kids life. My mom and dad were getting a divorce. I have never really stopped to think about how that could have effected my life. Now don't get me wrong I really do believe that both my mom and dad have moved on to find people they are better suited for. I don't blame either one of them for anything that has happen. -What is meant to be will be.- I honestly do believe that. But when I think about all of this it makes me wonder how I ever made it through all this. I really do believe that I might have been depressed and I don't know if I have ever really gotten over any of this. I block out my childhood due to somethings I would rather not talk about. None of them have to do with my dad, just my mom. But I have never delt with any of it. And it makes me wonder if it is to late to deal with it. Is it ever to late to deal with anything? Is it to late to get back those 9 years? Is it to
late to talk about it?

This is one of my longest posts. This is my longest post. It is now 9:53 and I have spent 35 min. typing this. I have spent 35 min. talking about my feeling...or just simply rambling...you be the judge. I am going to go now. I love you all and I hope you all have a good night...or a good day. I only have 2 hours and 5 min. till 12 am now. I love you all.